Winning the War on Wardrobe- for All Parents
After tears and too many chaotic mornings of battling over outfits during the first week of school I began to tackle the art of minimizing!
There is just nothing worse to start your day with than dropping off your child in a state of friction for school. 😢
I mean.. I can’t get enough coffee ☕️in fast enough to have a fair fight at 7:00am with a 7 year OLD!
So I created a GAME Plan, because we really can dodge this chronic fight if we prepare and start consistent decision making from a young age!
So one day WHEN SHE WAS GONE I pulled a sneak attack.😭😢🤭 i literally filled 2 trash bags with her clothes. I felt bad the entire time I did it but I knew it was for the greater good! Some how we had through hand-me-downs and just growing accumulated too many things we began fighting over.
There were tears upon discovery ( like it was traumatic for us both) but I was willing to lose the battle of her temporal emotional happiness (which does bring me happiness ) and my fear of getting rid of things (making her heart heart) to win the WAR of wardrobe thus bringing peaceful mornings 🧘🏼♀️to our little lady home 👩👧.
I have 3 major motives for coming hard in the paint on this..⛹️♀️
1. Designing a minimalist kid-friendly closet supports calmness and independence for her as now anything she puts on is a win!
I mean I’ve personally been working on a minimal capsule wardrobe for 2yrs so my energy is protected when I go to my closet.. not drained! Why wouldn’t that be the same for my daughter? 💃🏼
2. Allow us peace and alignment 👩❤️💋👩
3. It’s my role as her mother to begin teaching her about true beauty and modesty now! I’m SHOCKED by what I see girls wearing these days so young! The attention they will start attracting will begin to warp their body image and respect for themselves. And if you’re a father.. this goes out to you too! We have power and influence now to teach and mold how they see themselves and making wise choices on how they allow others to see them. I fear teenage years are too late.
At all times, especially Dads… speak over their LIFE!! Speak into their LIFE!
– you are a masterpiece created by God.
– Your beauty is not about how you look on the outside.
– being uniquely you and embracing all your imperfections is Beauty. Speak to how beautiful their heart is. When you see them be kind to someone else…say, “that was beautiful how you included her to your team”
We can literally Redefine was beauty means.
and let them know the parts of them that make them unique physically that may not be Instagram filtered perfect!
( I hated my freckles on my nose growing up, but my daughter knows my favorite part of her is her freckles ( I used to count them at her nap time to put her to sleep. I lost count after 406..But now I love mine cause she loves that she has freckles and is proud we match😍 -crazy what perspective will do to your lens of what’s beautiful)
We don’t need to distract people with our body from seeing our true beauty. Modesty will allow people to get to know Your heart and people who know your heart will treat you better which will feel so good in your relationships. To be truly known.
Charlotte and I attended an amazing conference last year called @secret_keeper_girl ..
we learned 6 test for judging our outfits.
And she has absolutely sent me back to my closet for breaking a few! And in that moment, my freedom as an adult woman now doesn’t really matter as much;)
I laid out our 6 secret keeper rules for ya’ll in a graphic to save!:) print it out, make your own board at home, go through the test with them and make it fun. Trash and reward with NEW!
Alignment and peace at LAST!
it’s not “mom saying NO,” but our secret keeper guidelines don’t support that. And if she is in the guidelines then I’ll bite my tongue if she wants to prance our like Punky Brewster with cowgirl boots on! 😝😁
This organization has great resources and books that we’ve been reading together! We both have bought in! Its my job at home with the limited time I have to influence and mentor hard in a strategic way because everyday our culture will be pulling in the opposite direction!
There are a lot of challenges in being a single parent, but one that I really noticed this summer was a slippery slope of entering into “friend zone.”
When you are parenting together in marriage you have support and back up when you hand out consequences. As your child screams back at you and throws the fits you have a stable partner to stand by and affirm you that it’s a good call. One thing you won’t Hear are the crushing words “well, daddy let’s me….”
(They can be manipulative little …angels😏)
But in this time stand firm and knock out the voices and refuse to let a 7yr old shake your identity, maturity and confidence in your love for them and parenting values.
When you’re alone, you can easily 2nd guess yourself as there is only one voice negotiating and debating your call. Laying down Discipline is way more challenging than to let things slide or look the other way!
When your time is split in half with them and you have planned a beautiful day or want to savor each moment.. the choice to not put your foot down and disrupt this non realistic dreamy time is tempting and ultimately selfish.
The root of it all is to identify that your choices not to discipline and stop to correct behavior is a derivative of your own shame and guilt.
Guilt is a normal emotion that can be a warning sign or nudge in the right direction when it arises… Guilt arises when we become aware of failing to be the best we could have been for our children ..so in most single parenting cases..not all.. we can beat ourselves with that story over and over again.
However, that will be the catalyst in making emotionally poor decisions on their behalf.
Being a passive and “Disney land” type parent only wanting to “feel good” when you have them can have big consequences down the line.
This also doesn’t just apply to divorce. It can be your guilt from Working too much and not enough presence, knowing you aren’t listening or you’ve been depressed or not affectionate enough. Short tempered, irritable, critical, putting your social life first, being inconsistent!
Whatever it is…those are your behaviors and emotions and stories to work through..not your child. We’re all broken and imperfect and have messed up, but I believe more than ever that laying that shame down at the cross, aligning priorities, getting a good support system, and choosing forgiveness for yourself so that you can be a parent over a friend for the appropriate season of life is the most loving gift we can give.
In the end, the relationship will have a much deeper bond❤️