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Trauma Bond Relationships – Part 2

There’s nothing quite like the feeling of love.⁠⠀
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The end-over-end freefall.⁠⠀
The honeymoon stage.⁠⠀
The comfort of familiarity.⁠⠀
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But sometimes, after the initial excitement wears off, you begin to see signs that this all-encompassing love may have some cracks.⁠⠀
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And if you’re like me, you fight so hard to ignore those cracks.⁠⠀
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It goes against my very essence to be rational and logical when it comes to my heart.⁠⠀
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How can I think on my feet when I’ve been swept off of them?⁠⠀
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The cracks didn’t exist in the beginning. And if they did, they were so far buried in the wall of love that even the best builders would have missed them. That’s what I tell myself.⁠⠀
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If I had seen those cracks right away, I know I would have stopped building the wall. I wouldn’t have let myself come to expect the comfort, ease, and security the wall provided.⁠⠀
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My go-to dance partner. My extra set of hands for whatever projects were happening. My much-needed embrace after a hard day. My caretaker when I’m too sick to help myself. ⁠⠀
My friend. My comedian. My up-for-anything partner. My confidant. My admirer. My charmer. My date-night. My morning smile. My companion.⁠⠀
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I was known. After so much time having these things, I was known and understood on a level that I didn’t know anyone could reach.⁠⠀
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The energy and trust and time it took to get there…to get to that place of love. The journey was soul-encompassing. A crushing embrace that I couldn’t breathe through but didn’t want it to end.⁠⠀
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Then → crack.⁠⠀
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Crack.⁠⠀
Crack.⁠⠀
Crack.⁠⠀
Crack.⁠
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The cracks appeared. They spread. They grew. And finally, the cracks I felt on the inside of the wall were so large, so numerous that the exterior began to show them, too.⁠⠀
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If you’ve been through it, you know. And if you’re afraid your cracks are showing, feel free to reach out. If anything comes of sharing my story, I hope it shows other women how even though your world may shatter, there is a beautiful mosaic on the other side with only the best pieces.

Trauma Bond Relationships – Part 1

Courage: the ability to do something that frightens you.

“What is one of the most courageous things you’ve done?”

Someone recently challenged me to answer this question. So I ran through a list of the things I’ve done that originally frightened me (and honestly, still do!)

  • investing in my business
  • taking on leadership roles
  • trading a stable job (complete with salary + benefits) for the entrepreneurial lifestyle
  • speaking in public
  • pushing my physical limits
  • being a #singlemom every day
  • supporting myself as a sole provider

I looked at the list and felt two things:

“What is one of the most courageous things you’ve done?”

1. Pride – LOOK 👀at that list!

2. Reflectiveness – Yes, all of those things took courage. But in my heart, I knew there was something that challenged my level of bravery to the furthest possible point.

[I’m going to be vulnerable with you all]

The most courageous thing I’ve ever done is to walk away from the feeling of love 💔

I keep myself protected and guarded from most people. When I give my heart, it’s no longer mine.

I go 100% all-in, and whoever is on the receiving end has control of my heart. The power to cherish it. The power to help it grow. And the power to break it.

If you’ve experienced the pain of a broken heart…you know. If you’ve ever mustered the courage to walk away in spite of that pain…you know. And if you haven’t yet found that courage…well this, my darling, is for you.

In the coming weeks, I’m going to be sharing my story with you. How the excuses and the cycle I went through haunted me until I had my come-to-Jesus moment. And in that moment, I RAN to Jesus.

So if you’ve found yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place, if you’re on the path to healing, or if you’re searching for just ONE person to show you there is more on the outside of your relationship than you could have dreamed…follow along here for #mystoryofcourage each week.