Trauma Bond Relationships – Part 2

There’s nothing quite like the feeling of love.⁠⠀
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The end-over-end freefall.⁠⠀
The honeymoon stage.⁠⠀
The comfort of familiarity.⁠⠀
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But sometimes, after the initial excitement wears off, you begin to see signs that this all-encompassing love may have some cracks.⁠⠀
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And if you’re like me, you fight so hard to ignore those cracks.⁠⠀
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It goes against my very essence to be rational and logical when it comes to my heart.⁠⠀
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How can I think on my feet when I’ve been swept off of them?⁠⠀
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The cracks didn’t exist in the beginning. And if they did, they were so far buried in the wall of love that even the best builders would have missed them. That’s what I tell myself.⁠⠀
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If I had seen those cracks right away, I know I would have stopped building the wall. I wouldn’t have let myself come to expect the comfort, ease, and security the wall provided.⁠⠀
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My go-to dance partner. My extra set of hands for whatever projects were happening. My much-needed embrace after a hard day. My caretaker when I’m too sick to help myself. ⁠⠀
My friend. My comedian. My up-for-anything partner. My confidant. My admirer. My charmer. My date-night. My morning smile. My companion.⁠⠀
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I was known. After so much time having these things, I was known and understood on a level that I didn’t know anyone could reach.⁠⠀
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The energy and trust and time it took to get there…to get to that place of love. The journey was soul-encompassing. A crushing embrace that I couldn’t breathe through but didn’t want it to end.⁠⠀
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Then → crack.⁠⠀
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Crack.⁠⠀
Crack.⁠⠀
Crack.⁠⠀
Crack.⁠
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The cracks appeared. They spread. They grew. And finally, the cracks I felt on the inside of the wall were so large, so numerous that the exterior began to show them, too.⁠⠀
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If you’ve been through it, you know. And if you’re afraid your cracks are showing, feel free to reach out. If anything comes of sharing my story, I hope it shows other women how even though your world may shatter, there is a beautiful mosaic on the other side with only the best pieces.

Abigail Epps

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