Raising Christ-Like Daughters: Mother-Daughter Dynamics

My parenting personality? 👉🏼 helicopter parent – mama BEAR – loving, devoted, and sensitive to my girl’s needs. My own sense of well-being comes from having close emotional bonds with people.

I will furiously protect this little heart. I am responsible for raising her to be a strong, Christ-centered woman…and that is my ultimate purpose in this life.

To me, she is very cerebral…until she lets her guard down. And let me tell you a bit about her dropping her front.

She is sweet and pleasant…until she becomes my little bull. I’m constantly fighting my need to control and smother her! She has strong likes and dislikes. Our biggest battles are for supremacy in the home. I literally give myself a mirror pep-talk every day: “Abby, YOU are the boss.” 🤣

Honestly, she gets what she wants (within reason) most days🤷🏼‍♀️ Not because I’m weak or I just “give in,” but because she’s an INCREDIBLE negotiator. She expresses her ideas and reasoning better than most adults, and this is a skill that I can’t help but be proud of.

I am a middle child- I’ve learned to go with the flow to keep the peace on the little things. My motto in our home is that I may resign, lose those little daily battles to reward her spirit to win and persuade; BUT I win the war when it matters.

I am a “feeler;” I often make last-minute decisions and plans and fly by the seat of my pants. This personal quality can send my girl into a panic! And every once in awhile, it’s good for her to learn how to manage her frustration and control issues. But I usually respect her little developing personality…a personality I strive to learn about…a personality so different from my own.

She loves routine and predictability. And honestly, I could use some of that in my life! 

If I want her to come around to a new idea or a change, I must allow her to slowly adjust (and often guide her to it as if it was her own idea). She needs to know the basic plan for the day…

Her love language is touch. As a baby, she needed to be swaddled tightly and held by her mother. She was glued to my hip, and as long as we were together she was the happiest baby I’ve ever known. Nap times and bedtimes were a tragic bawl-fest if she didn’t fall asleep in my arms.  And since I tend to live-to-please (y’all, I told you that I love emotionally), at times all my boundaries were out the window. You could find me curled up with her in her crib at nap time.

Now as she grows, she fights for her independence. She’s becoming hesitant to hug and kiss me in public, and I’m fighting to respect that. However, at the slightest assault on her heart, stubbed toe, or unsettled feeling that little girl comes running back to my arms and melts like putty.

She is stubborn, yet very calm. Cheerful, positive, and extremely loyal. She is predictable and fair. We’re so similar in that we need daily outdoor time for our energy. We both agree that we need constant chords of music in our home (and it goes from praise and worship straight to badass Miranda Lambert blaring!). We love being homebodies. I have to psych HER up to get out and about. And we are emotionally drained if our home is not clean and organized.

Our biggest difference? She opens her little peepers in the morning, singing and whistling as she gets herself ready for school. Me? I get up 30 minutes before her and pray to be on cup of coffee #3 before experiencing my cheerful little morning delight. I could eat something different and watch something new every day on TV. But she wants a steak and baked potato every Monday, and chicken and potatoes every Tuesday while we watch Hallmark 🙌🏼

I want to keep her under my wing forever. But she thrives with freedom and room to be independent and creative!

Being a parent is very similar to being in a relationship. There is work, there is compromise. And the more effort you put into knowing yourself and your child, the easier it will be to develop and grow a strong relationship. Studying and understanding personal development and personality awareness is a huge piece to being a great parent. I have people constantly laughing at the way she bosses, and how fierce she is on what she wants. They say, “Just wait ‘til she’s a teenager!”

My hope is that when the big 1-3 hits, I’ve already put in the effort and energy to truly get to know her heart, her love language, and her personality. And so as she grows into a beautiful young woman, our relationship will only get better with time!